Chapter Text
Meeting Room
Zoidberg dances and sings on the table. Everyone sits and claps along. Fionna and Cake enter the room needing clarification on what they see.
Zoidberg: [singing] Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Fionna: “There's no denying it, the future's wacky!”
“True that.” agreed Cake, “Oh, well. Don't wanna stand out.” Cake gets on the table and sings and dances with Zoidberg. “Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!”
Zoidberg: “There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!” He chirps.
On the Balcony the staff celebrate Freedom Day with their Freedom Day Party. Giovanna drinks Slurm and Scruffy blows a party blower. Marshall Lee and Gary are by the grill. Beth sits on the railings eating a melon while Fionna and Danny stand beside her.
“So, what is Freedom Day? Neo Mars’ version of the fourth of July?” Fionna asked.
“Kind of, but it’s an excuse for people on Mars to act out of the norm, like drinking, belching, and saying non-PC things in public,” replied Danny.
Zoidberg walks over and puts his claw on Danny’s shoulder. “No, it's a fabulous, crab-ulous day!”
Beth: “If you wanna do something, you do it, and to heck with the consequences!” She throws the melon rind over her shoulder and it hits something.
Impossibear: “You know, like how I live every day.” He sticks his leg out and trips up Hermes. His bones crack as he lands. Everyone laughs.
“Happy Freedom Day! Ooh! I think my wrist is broken.”
“This year we’re celebrating it on Earth as a celebration of your planet becoming one and joining the UOOP.”
Wallow: “Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day without the traditional Freedom Tub!” He presses a button and a hole in the floor opens revealing a hot tub.
Everyone reacts with excitement. Hermes dips his finger in. “Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones!”
The staff and warriors start to undress around Fionna and Cake.
She gasps. “Wow! Swimsuits for underwear, hot-tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day!”
Zoidberg: “Then consider the following lecture a bonus: On Mars, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.”
Flashback
Child Zoidberg wears a hat and comical specs with mouth flaps attached. A Decapodian woman is with him.
Decapodian Woman: "Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor -- if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!"
Later, grown-up Zoidberg is at a polling station.
Decapodian Man: "Sure, you can vote for Shkinadel -- if you want there should be a recession!" Zoidberg turns away sadly.
Back at his home, he holds suitcases.
Decapodian Woman: "Sure, you can go to medical school -- if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!"
Zoidberg turns away sadly.
[Flashback ends.]
Zoidberg: That's why I loved Mars! You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. And much to my joy, Earth is the same way.”
Fionna is in the hot tub with everyone else. “We're not listening!”
Zoidberg: “That's what I'm talking about!”
The ship flies over Washington D.C. (Rededicated to Washington the Sweathog, 2475). It flies over the Reflecting Pool where people bathe and lands in front of the Fxjkhr Monument. A banner has been hung up on it with "Freedom Day- Express Yourself" printed on it. Underneath, a man has painted "I Hate My Job".
Washington D.C. Street. There is a parade. Vehicles carrying UOOP missiles float along the street. One has a "Boy Scout Troop #254" banner on it. The one behind has "Top Secret Do Not Look" on it. People on stilts walk by chanting the Freedom song.
Stilt People: [chanting] Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
The Fighting Dukaki drives past, imitating the pose from the infamous photograph.
In the commentary box, Morbo and Linda watch the parade go by.
Morbo: What's this next float, Linda?
Linda: Representing our men, women, and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Sam Brannigan!
Sam and Kirk are in a rocket float. Sam waves to the crowd. “Happy Freedom Day, ladies!” He throws some beads.
Fxjkhr Monument. A band plays Hail to the Chief and a man leads McNeal to a podium. Crowds are gathered in front of the monument.
McNeal: “Thank you, Secretary. My fellow Earthicans, before we enjoy so much freedom it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster."
Pain Monster: See you April 15th, folks!
McNeal: Cue the fireworks guy! [A man jets up to the sky and blows up a firework.] Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by ... [A firework explodes, and "Shankman" lights up the sky.] ... "Shankman's Rubbing Compound". When something needs rubbing, think "Shankman".
[The crowd cheers.]
Impossibear: Yay! Shankman!
Hermes: It costs a little more but it's worth it!
McNeal: “Our planet has been through so much this past year: a garbage ball, Wars, droughts, impeachments! Now we have relaized the dream of being united as a whole planet. And Thanks to our new allies in the UOOP we are now part of becoming a united universe. But we've never lost our sense of what's truly important: The great taste of "Charleston Chew"! [A "Charleston Chew" firework explodes. “And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie!”
The flag comes down. It’s like the American flag but the stars are replaced with Earth. “The flags for each country will always be raised but this flag is a testament that we are all a world united.”
Everyone cheers. Zoidberg wipes his mouth. “I'm swelling with patriotic mucus!”
Fireworks explode.
McNeal: “In our darkest hour we can stand erect, with proud, upthrust bosoms! Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see by the rocket's red glare that our flag is still there.” He turns around.“It's gone!”
Zoidberg tears the flag, eats it, and belches. The crowd gasps.
Zoidberg steps forward. “Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag. And I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people!”
[Crickets chirp.]
McNeal: [shouting] “Kill him! Kill the descrator!”
The crowd rushes the platform and Zoidberg squeals.
Zoidberg scuttles around a corner, whooping and being chased by the crowd. He runs past a man spraying "Earth Sux" on a mailbox.
Man #1: Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!
[The crowd runs past.]
McNeal: Stop that red menace!
Embassy Row
Zoidberg runs past the grey Neutral Planet Embassy, the pretty Klingon Embassy, and the Globetrotter Homeworld Embassy. He tires and stops running and wooping.
Zoidberg: “I'm all scuttled out!” He looks up and sees something. “Huh? My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me! A-yoop!” He jumps into the moat around the embassy and swims over.
The angry crowd is outside the embassy, shouting. Zoidberg is inside, sat across a desk from Ambassador Mervin, a man and a woman. The curtains close.
Zoidberg: "I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong on here anymore than I belong on our crappy home planet- Ooh, sorry."
Decapodian Man: "What sorry? Our planet stinks, we all know it."
Ambassador Mervin: "Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as Ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government, already.
Decapodian Woman: "Poor boy. You want a nice mug of cocoa?"
Zoidberg nods. "Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled." [The woman comes back in with the cocoa and hands it to Zoidberg.] What, no marshmallows?"
“Drink crap then,” she said.
Outside Decapodian Embassy McNeal addresses the mob. “Let's storm the place... without my prior knowledge."
The RBMO Express staff push through to the front.
Cake: “Scuse me, comin' through. Freedom train, step aside. You too, big boy. Freedom!”
Beth: “Cool your jowls, McNeal. You may not like that Dr. Zoidberg ate the flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the United Earth Constitution.”
McNeal: “Maybe so. But I know a place where that new Constitution doesn't mean squat.”
Supreme Court
Myrtle Fu: "The Supreme Court accepts the case of Earth vs. Zoidberg."
McNeal: “Sock it to 'em!”
Outside the Decapodian Embassy, there is a protest rally.
Crowd: [chanting] “Two, four, six, eight, Eating the flag is not great!”
Scout Leader: "Now your noose knot has exactly seven twists."
[A man plays a guitar on stage.]
Man #2: [singing] You can eat my dog. You can eat my truck.
But you eat my flag and you're outta luck!
She's a-wavin' proud around the world, from Dallas to Fort Worth.
Let me say it again...
[A truck toots.]
Crowd: [chanting] Don't mess with Earth!
Danny: “They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.”
“I hope Jay and Dez are having a better Freedom Day than we are,” Fionna said.
In Farmworld Jay, and Destiny are having a humble BBQ with The Mertens, Peanut, Daniela, and Bend-MO. Especially when the fireworks go off.
“Think the others are having fun?” Jay asked his girlfriend.
“Without a doubt,” replied Dez.
Back at the rally.
Impossibear rolled his eyes, “Pft. Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.”
Fionna: “Where are we going to find a lawyer to take his case?”
Beth: “I'll ask the head of the ACLU, once he's done singing.”
Head of the ACLU: [singing] “Don't mess with Earth.” he finished singing. [talking] Kill Zoidberg! Goodnight!
An old man in a pioneer getup approaches the crew. “He’s boned,” said Danny.
“Howdy there!” the old man greeted. “I'm a lawyer and I'd like to help your friend out of his pickle.”
Cake: “Who are you, old man?”
“Name's Old Man Waterfall but most folks just call me "Old Man".”
Chris: Cute.
Old Man Waterfall: “I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet and I've taken a bullet in it, on it. All to keep our flag flying free.”
BMO: “And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying "does not compute"?”
Old Man Waterfall: “Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it.”
“How dare you,” BMO says with a glare.
Old Man Waterfall: “Now I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails on Mars and Saturn respectively.”
Wallow: “Wait, you're from Mars? You're hired!”
In the Supreme Court, A hologram of Zoidberg appears on a table. The RBMO Planet Express staff sit in the front row.
Danny: “You OK there in the embassy, Zoidberg?”
Holo-Zoidberg: “No. There's no cocoa marshmallows, and every night the rats eat a little more of my foot!”
Bailiff: "Oyez, oyez, oyez. All rise for the Honourable Chief Justice, Myrtle Fu, and the Associate Justices."
Sal opens the door for the Chief Justices.
Myrtle Fu: "Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready."
Hyper-Chicken: “I was hatched ready! Honorable judges, yonder crawdad has done ate up Earth’s new flag.” He points at Zoidberg.
Holo-Zoidberg: “I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right.”
Hyper-Chicken: “Your Honour, freedom of speech applies to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in.”
O'Connor: “Can counsel cite precedent?”
Hyper-Chicken: “Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State Of New Alabama vs. Giant Space Iguana, chewin' the corners off the Constitution was deemed non-protected speech.”
Souter: “He showed you, O'Connor.” He laughs.
Myrtle Fu: “Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.”
Holo-Zoidberg: “Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks.”
Impossibear laughs. “Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line! Nachos?” He offers some around.
Old Man Waterfall gets up, “Oh, land-o-Goshen! Your Honours, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer like my opponent here.” The Hyper-Chicken caws. “But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine?”
Scalia: Yes, I do.
Old Man Waterfall: "No, you don't" He takes it off.'Cause I lost my real hand plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet! Yet it was worth it, so much do I love that flag." The bench sobs. "I love it even more than I love my seven wives - that's right, I'm a polygamist." The court "boos" “Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms of the proud people who salute that flag." The court cheers. "Freedom such as polygamy." The court "boos"
"I rest my case." He puts his hand back on and his leg falls off. "Whoa, jeez!"
Myrtle Fu: “The Justices and I will now confer using high-speed telepathy.”The bailiff hooks them up and the Justices' heads rotate in the jars. Myrtle Fu takes off her helmet. “By a vote of six to three, we find that flag eating is not protected by the Constitution.”
The court gasps.
Impossibear: “Six-to-three? I beat the spread!”
Myrtle Fu: “The court orders an immediate public apology.”
Holo-Zoidberg: "Apology accepted. Just don't let it happen again."
Hermes: “She means you, you turkey of the sea!”
Holo-Zoidberg: "Me? Apologise? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom, but I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst because no punishment could be worse than denying my freedom."
Myrtle Fu: You are hereby sentenced to death.
Holo-Zoidberg: Wait, let me finish!
[The court gasps.]
“Your honors please!” Fionna shouts, “Isn’t there something less drastic than the death penalty? He was only trying to express his love of freedom.”
“Yeah, why not just exile him from Earth?” Cake suggested. “That way he lives in shame and you never have to see him again.”
“WHAT?!”
“Hmm?” The judges put on the helmets. “Very well, Dr. Zoidberg since you refuse to apologize for desecrating the symbol of freedom you’re hereby exiled. If you step foot on Earth ground you will be arrested on sight, do you understand?”
“Crystal your honor,” Zoidberg says;
Myrtle Fu: “Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.”
[The court "boos".]
Old Man Waterfall: “I can't wait to tell my husband!”
[The court "boos" louder.]
Fionna gets up, “Why are you booing at that part? Same sex marriage as been legal for years!”
Randy: “We’re not, we're still booing the polygamy part!”
“Look man, if they all consented to the union and love each other then who are we to judge?” Wallow asked. “It’s not like they’re hurting anybody, right?”
“The only pain I caused was in the wars where it was kill or be killed.” The old man replied.
The crowd murmurs and sits down to contemplate.
Outside Decapodian Embassy. UOOP soldiers, led by Sam, stand by the moat.
Sam: “Remember, men, take him alive. This is an exile, not an execution.”
The troops use a battering ram on the door. Mervin and Zoidberg run onto the balcony above.
Ambassador Mervin: “Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud of the mud planet Decapod 10. Invading these mud premises is an act of war.”
Sam: “We’re aware of that Ambassador but the Mud is on Earth and Zoidberg is to be kicked out Alive! No death will befall him.”
“If you make me leave I will. I have every right to freedom of expression as any.”
“Be lucky you still get to walk out alive with your shell!” Sam yelled. “Look as a show of good faith we’ll give you 24 hrs to send Zoidberg off Earth to any other planet. If not then we’ll have to go over your heads and get the Ruler to issue a warrant for Zoidberg’s capture.”
Zoidberg: “He’s bluffing!”
Marvin yells down, “I don’t believe you!”
“Kirk plan B.” The lieutenant presses a button and activates a zeta beam to teleport the entire embassy to Mars.
“Now they can express themselves on Mars.”
“I can’t believe it! First, they deny me my freedom of expression, your freedom to help me, now they sent us to Mar to rot!”
“At least here no one cares about flag-eating.”
“Not the point!”
Ambassador Mervin: “Don’t worry since Sam teleported us without our input we have the right to retaliate?” He speaks into a radio. “Attack Earth.” There is a pause. “Yes, I know it's a schlep. Just do it! What do you mean you don’t want to?! Pause “Yes I know he’s a putz but they teleported our Earth Embassy to Mars without our say! Yes, I’m sure!”
“Sir, are you confident that the Decapodians won’t try to get revenge on us beaming them to Mars?”
“Kirk old boy, we gave them all peaceful choices but they chose to not comply and thus we had to use the non-lethal method of getting that quack off Earth. If they did the UOOP in the Mars sector would put a stop to them.”
“Incoming!”
The UOOP soldiers look up at the sky several Decapodian ships come screeching down from the sky. The ships have crustacean-like pincer claws at the front.
Zoidberg: “Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw!”
Sam: “Ready... aim fire! Then retreat!”
The soldiers gun for it before running for it.
In the Washington D.C. Street. People run as the ships swoop over the top of them. One cuts the legs off the stilt people and another grabs a ship and "eats" it. A third cut the top off the Clinton Monument.
Danny, Fionna, and Cake run inside the Library of Congress, screaming, and shut the doors.
Patron: [from library] Shh!
They scream quietly.
Decapodian Embassy Balcony
Zoidberg: “Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squash Men of the Squash Planet! Squish them!” He laughs.
Ambassador Mervin: Charleston Chew?
Zoidberg: You bet!
In Washington D.C. Decapodian ships fly around, blowing things up. The Nimbus flies over the White House.
In the Nimbus Bridge. Sam watches the mayhem on the viewscreen. “Alright, Kirk, let's show these freaks what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for Earth’s global defense network.”
Kirk: [unenthusiastic] “Aye, aye, sir.” He drags a computer over to Sam and it stretches his arm. Sam pushes a button.
Computer Voice: “Commence lip identification scan.” Sam kisses the computer. “No tongue.”
The computer beeps and opens up. Sam takes a disc out of it. “We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumour has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship.” He looks Kirk square in the eyes. “I'm watching all of you! You, ensign, what's your name?”
The ensign is a Decapodian wearing a wig, a UOOP uniform, and oven gloves over his claws. He salutes.
"Ensign": “Hugh Man, sir.”
Sam: “Hugh Man? Now that's a name I can trust. Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes. Chop, chop!”
The Decapodian takes the disc from Sam and scuttles out.
Kirk: “Um, sir? There's something about that ensign that's-”
Sam: “You're damn right there is! That strapping young lad's gunning for your job. And he just might get it. If I didn’t hand him the fake codes.” he laughs.
Kirk smiles.
“Captain here are those fake codes you wanted.” said a soldier.
Kirk turns to the viewscreen and sees the Decapodian fly a small ship towards a larger Decapodian ship. He sighs.
“Kirk send out a distress call to any UOOP ally in the solar system and fast!”
The Decapodian ship flies towards the Nimbus with the claws at the ready.
Sam: “The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one.” Kirk presses a button but nothing happens. He presses it again three times. “Tick, tock!”
Kirk: “Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes, somehow.”
Sam: “Well, Kirk, stand by to go down fighting. Steady, steady ... now!
[Kirk screams.]
The Decapodian ship grabs the Nimbus and cuts it in half. The front part falls towards the ground. Sam and Kirk scream and it hits the ground.
[Newspaper Headline: "Handsome Invaders Defeat Earth". A sub-headline reads "Post Names New Editor" and alongside is a picture of a Decapodian.]
People are chained to each other by their ankles. They pass buckets along the line and empty it on a big pile of mud.
Fionna: “Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave all of Earth?”
Zoidberg: “Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say.”
“A Lesson?!” Danny repeated, “You would have been hanged over a boiling pot if Fionna and Cake hadn’t convinced the judges to spare your ungrateful flag-eating butt!”
A Decapodian soldier pinches Danny's chest with a pincer spear.
Danny: Ow!
Cake: “What the hell is this dirt pile we're building, anyhow?”
Zoidberg: "None of your beeswax, slave! You'll find out soon enough. Just focus on globing that mud." [shouting] "Glob!"
The slaves get back to work. Zoidberg and the soldiers leave. Unaware that a portal opens the slaves break out of their shackles and head in it to freedom.
Outside Capitol Building. Danny, Fionna, Cake, Kirk, BMO, and Sam sit on the steps at night as Decapodian ships fly overhead. A banner reading "Under New Management" has been hung over the entrance.
Danny: “This is nuts we help Ziodberg get off death row and he goes and enslaves us!”
“At least Lord Monocromicorn can help us move the civilians off Earth.” Fionna pointed out.
“Yeah, but it won’t be long until the Decapodains notice the number decrease,” Sam added. “And I’m not that confident in those robotic duplicates either.”
“Well by then we’ll have gotten all civilians off Earth and the UOOP will have sent reinforcements to Earth,” Kirk said. “We just need patience.”
Cake thinks about the slaves, “No, this can't go on. Today is the day we fight back!”
“It's already 10 o'clock!”
Cake checks Fionna’s watch.
“Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.”
Sam: “Yeah? Well good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless.”
BMO: “I know I am.” He goes to sleep mode.
Fionna: “Hey, wait! I have an idea”
Fionna leads them to the Museum of Ancient Weaponry. A banner outside advertises "Nuns And Nunchucks: Mother Teresa's Secret Arsenal". Inside, Danny, Cake, BMO, Fionna, Kirk, and Sam pass the world's biggest rolling pin, a spear (circa 2256), Dillinger's semi-automatic salad shooter, and a sharkapult.
“Back in the day warriors didn't have your fancy all-digital weapons, but people still managed to kill each other just fine.”
“Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The BMO of the 15th century.”
“Not big enough,” said Danny. “We need something that can take out an entire army. Something you could commit a war crime with-”
He sees something and gasps. Fionna, Kirk, Sam, and Cake see it too.
“Wow!” He shoots the crossbow through his nose hole. “Ow!”
At a Park. Mervin gives a speech to the slaves from a stage. Zoidberg stands to one side of him.
Ambassador Mervin: “Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors: The Mobile Oppression Palace.”
A huge crab-like contraption with mud dumped on top of it scuttles behind the stage. The slaves gasp.
Impossibear: “Neat!” He takes a photo.
Ambassador Mervin: “I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day.” On a balcony, the dignitaries laugh and sneer. “Warships, dismissed!”
The Decapodian ships turn skyward and fly away. The Mobile Oppression Palace scuttles away from the park into the streets. It bashes down a sign for Johnson's Collapsible Top Hats, squeezes an E-Z Squeeze Accordion sign, and tries to karate-chop a Hair King Unbreakable Combs sign. It doesn't work. The Palace tries again three times but can't break it so it just pushes the sign over. Old Man Waterfall runs in front of the Palace waving Ol' Freebie.
Old Man Waterfall: “Do your worst, you sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie. You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!” The Palace crushes him with a giant claw. Old Man Waterfall screams from under the claw. “My body!”
The Palace claw lifts. Frieda Waterfall runs from the crowd to Old Man Waterfall.
Frieda Waterfall: “Great Grandpa, no!” She shakes her fist at the Decapodians.] “Another victim of the mano-centric male-ocracy.”
“Translation a victim of a stubborn male refusing to say sorry!”
Zoidberg: “Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer.”
Ambassador Mervin: You're welcome.
Zoidberg: “No, He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.”
Old Man Waterfall: “I request a Satanic funeral.”
[The crowd "boos".]
Zoidberg: “Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression is shmutzing up our freedom lesson?”
“No! Duh!” Cake yelled.
Ambassador Mervin: “Ah, take a pill, Zoidberg. [shouting] Begin again with the crushing!
Washington D.C. Street. The Palace picks up a car and throws it across at a crowd of people.
Danny: “You haven't won yet, Mervin! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile.”
Ambassador Mervin: “I don't even know you.”
Danny presses a button and the missile launches from behind some trees. It flies behind Danny, Fionna, and Cake towards the Mobile Oppression Palace.
The Decapodians on the balcony scream.
Decapodian Woman: “Oh, it's gonna make such a mess!”
The Palace ducks and the missile passes over it. It comes back and flies around it a few times. The Decapodians sigh with relief.
Ambassador Mervin: “This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against the Mobile Oppression Palace. All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!”
The Palace closes in on a crowd of people.
Zoidberg picks up the flag Old Man Waterfall was holding. "All eyes on Zoidberg!” Old Man Waterfall's hand pops off his arm but still clutches the flagpole. "Ew!"
He shakes the flag and the hand flies off. He takes Impossibear's cigar.
Impossibear: Hey, I need that to smoke!
Zoidberg sets fire to the flag and the crowd gasps. He waves the flag around, fanning the flames.
Danny: “Zoidberg, what are you doing? You already made it clear you're mad at Earth.”
Zoidberg: “Wait! People of Earth, listen. Yes, I'm burning the flag. But to preserve the freedom it represents!”
He throws the flag like a javelin at the Mobile Oppression Palace. The heat-seeking missile detects it and flies towards it. The Decapodians scream and leap from the balcony. The Palace explodes and splatters the crowd with mud. They cheer.
Fionna: “Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't because you helped enslave us in the first place but I’m glad you came around.”
Crowd: [chanting] Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: “Ah, if only they appreciated freedom this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet.”
Supreme Court
“Dr. John Zoidberg you have been found a hero for saving the Earth from the war you started. How do you plead?”
“Guilty your honor.”
“Dr. Zoidberg you are aware that we gave you a chance to leave Earth alive and you felt you had the right to declare war on us because we didn’t agree with how you expressed your freedom. So, you enslaved us to teach us a lesson. Do you understand the hypocrisy in this?”
“Your honor I know what I did was wrong. The war, not the flag. I was so hurt that the place I admired for allowing freedom to its people had denied me it I wanted to make you see how wrong you were. But I see now that I went about it the wrong way and became what I hated becoming the most my parents.” he sobs. “I’m sorry!”
“Dr. Zoidberg though you were petty you did rectify your mistake and the death count from this war was the lowest in recorded Earth history. Our condolences to the Waterfall family.”
“Yes, but that man took a chance on me and helped me see the error of my way. I never wanted anyone to die just feel bad. OH, GLOB I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!” he sobbed. “I deserve prison.”
“Indeed, however since you managed to save us by burning the flag to fool the missile, The president has decided to pardon you for your crimes, provided you wear an ankle monitor for six months while on Earth and don't participate in upcoming elections.”
“I can stay on Earth!” the judges nodded
Everyone cheers.
Giovanna: "Welcome back old friend I look forward to seeing you work at reduced pay."
Zoidberg hugs her.
Outside the Capitol Building McNeal gives a speech to crowds. “And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg!”
The crowd cheers as Zoidberg walks on. The Secretary of Transportation hands Zoidberg a new flag and he unfolds it.
Zoidberg: “You're a nice man, McNeal.”
Scoop Chang: “Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers?”
Zoidberg: “Oh, I couldn't.”
McNeal: “No, no, no, go ahead. You've earned it!”
Zoidberg: “Well, maybe just a taste.” He takes a bite and cameras flash. “Mmm! Now that's a grand, old flag!” The crowd cheers and Zoidberg raises the flag. “I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.”
With the RBMO staff in the crowds.
"So, Fionna how was your first Freedom Day?"
"Well Danny, at first it was great until Dr. Z ate the flag. Now I was for defending his right to live but I could have done without the whole war and enslavement of Earth."
"So, crappy?"
"Yup! But in a messed up way, it makes me appreciate the freedom we regained more and what the brave men and women in the past did for all of us to enjoy the freedom we have today."
"Happy Fourth of July Fionna."
"Happy Freedom Day Danny."
They smile at each other and Kiss as Fireworks go off.
[Closing Credits.]
